The Fall of Autumn
by K8.K
Summary: This is Autumn's story, as she tries to run from a violent history that she can never escape. Meeting up with and staying with the Cullens teaches her that the past helps you make a better future, but can that lesson help her when the past wants her back?
1. Chapter 1

Hey everybody! This is chapter one of my first fanfic, I hope you like it, though comments are always welcome. Bit short, but I have a few other chapters to add that I just have to look over first. Thnx for reading!

I laid down upon a rather attractive and soft bed of moss, ready to begin another night without sleep. I knew of sleep, a time when the body could relax, the mind cleanse and the thoughts aimlessly wander. In my memory, however, I've never slept. I lie awake and ponder, think, wonder. Something my family does not have the luxury of doing. My family, as I have come to call them, consists of a pack of wolves. Six wolves, actually. There is the alpha male, alpha female, her two pups, and two more females and an omega male. Oh, and me too. Other members have come and gone, but this is my family at the moment. Around me, they were getting ready to sleep for the night. The light of the crescent moon was enough for me to see as the alpha female, I called her Autumn as she was a reddish brown color, put her pups to bed and curled around them. The alpha male, whom I had nicknamed Birch because of his silvery color, was standing guard. Tall and erect, I considered him to be the epitome of the stately ruler. He had accepted me into the pack, I can't say why, but I was tolerated. I was a good addition to the pack, a skilled hunter, strong and fast. Once I had brought down a lone bull moose. I think that was when I had proven myself as a worthy member, besides the species barrier. At any rate, it didn't matter to me why they tolerated my presence, only that it was nice to be apart of something. The wolves were not particularly affectionate or anything like that, but I had blood, company and moss to rest on. In fact, I was usually rather content, except at the moment I was very, very thirsty. The pack had caught little food recently, nothing big enough for me to drink from. As the wolves, my family, went through their evening ritual, I could smell the blood as it meandered through their veins. My throat burned, having been denied it's desire for weeks.

I went for a walk as the pack slept. I had little else to do. After a quite a few minutes, or perhaps a couple hours, I found a small pond. Looking into it's unbroken surface at the silvery reflection of the moon, I saw myself for the first time in, well, awhile. My auburn waves had become twisted and unruly, my face was brownish with dirt, soft golden eyes stared curiously out, surrounded by grime. I was thin, maybe too thin, but somewhat muscular. I could not see it, but I knew ribs gave texture to the sides of my chest. My once new sweatshirt and jeans were disgusting and torn, but still useable. As I stared, something occurred to me. Nothing has changed. The golden mirror I once stared into had become a silvery pool, but nothing about the reflection, save hygiene, differed. After ten years, I had not aged. I still looked somewhere from 15 to 17 or so, my face untouched by a single blemish. But no, something had changed, my eyes. I could not remember how though. As I pondered, a frog hopped into the pool, breaking the mirror. I decided to head back. On my way, I let my tongue caress the sharp triangles of my canines.

As I came back into the small clearing, silently as always, the wolves stirred little. Sitting cross-legged upon my mossy bed, I began to meditate, as I once had upon a silken pillow. As I calmed, I was surprised by the sound of many sticks breaking. There was something big, about 200 feet away, coming to where my family slumbered. I didn't worry though. Most likely, it was a coyote, or some deer, nothing I could not handle. Unfortunately, I was very soon proved wrong.

Minutes later, as the noises approached, my family began to wake. As they stretched and yawned, my world seemed to explode. Something happened, I bit and clawed, desperate to protect myself and my companions. I remember taking a deep breath, reveling in the coppery blood smell. Then, there's nothing to remember at all.


	2. Chapter 2

I came to once, sipping from a fountain of wine. The wolves came up to share in the feast I had brought down. No! I cannot let them take my blood! It's mine, and mine alone! I raked my hand through the air at them, and snarled a warning. The pups cried. Then, it was darkness again. My first feeling as I began to return was one of extreme content and satisfaction. Then it became fear. I was crouched down, with blood dripping from my jaws, over a grizzly bear. The bear's throat had been ripped open, and blood had once been gushing from the open wound. How long had my would been black? I looked around at my surroundings and saw my family. The omegas whimpered in terror, Autumn snarled at me, her body shielding her young. One was hurt, bloody scores across his side. Birch stared, his teeth bared. I took a step forward, and he jumped ahead at me, teeth snapping. It was a feint, and he fell short, but the message was just as powerful. Looking down at my hands, my clothes, everything, all I saw was blood. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I thought was the lesser of several evils: I fled.

I ran, the trees green-brown blurs around me. I had never blacked out before, I supposed it was the hunger. Finally, I stopped to examine my surroundings. I had come near the same pool I had gazed into last night. I waded in, trying to wash the blood from my ivory skin. Sunlight filtering through the canopy of leaves lit up my elbow, making it glitter. I had discovered that my skin was not normal long before, so it was more an annoyance than a surprise. It was just one more thing that told me that I was unique, that I was not like those I had once preyed upon. The one thing I wished for was that I could have a name for what I was. Was I alone? What else was "different" about me? I wanted to know more about myself, so I would know my instincts. As I bathed in the icy water, I tried to decide what I was going to do next.

I walked. I had just been walking for days, maybe a week or two. I didn't particularly care about where I was going anymore. Once I had come near a hunter, I watched him, until I realized the smell of his blood was making me start to drool. I walked.

As my purposeless journey progressed, I later became aware of an strong, odd odor. It smelled like the wolves, but was strange. Curious, I followed it to a small clearing. There were wolves in it! I shimmied silently up a tree to watch them. As I did, I noticed that some aspects of this pack were strange. For one, they all seemed to be male. Secondly, they were all very large. I had no intention to follow them or anything, I simply missed my old pack. I sat on a low branch hidden by leaves, knowing that there was no way the creatures were sensually keen enough to detect me. Unfortunately, it seemed that there was something else that could.

"What the hell are you doing, bloodsucker?"

I turned, looking about a foot down at a large young man. He was shirtless, and his tan skin reflected the same sunlight that made my pale skin shimmer. The wolves looked up at me too, like they knew. I felt rather embarrassed, but I stood my ground. I hopped gracefully down from my branch, landing lightly. Opening my mouth to use my voice for the first time in, well, I couldn't remember when, I asked what he meant. My voice was underused and gravelly, so I cleared my throat, and asked again. It sounded like a silver bell, musical and light. Not sharing in my wonder at the discovery at my voice, he said:

"Seriously? I guess we have a pretty stupid one here. I'll be more simple: why are you watching our pack?"

Another young man came over. Glancing over my shoulder, I realized that all the wolves were gone. Instead, there were more guys. I was so confused. I shook my head, and said so, "I don't understand."

"Okay bloodsucker, I guess stupidity is your superpower. How about this: the why doesn't matter, either leave and go far away, or we will scatter your pieces around the forest. We know what you bloodsuckers do, and-"

I interrupted. "What did you call me?"

"Bloodsucker. What, are you offended?"

No, I was sort of excited. "So, you know what I am. Can you help me? Please?"

He was obviously taken aback a bit, and I was pleased to see him look stupid. He looked down at me and stammered a bit, asking something about how this better not be a sick game. The others just stared. Another one, he was a bit younger than the rest, stepped forward and said "Jake, maybe we could just bring her to the Cullens. If she tries something, we can take her." Turning to me, he said "If you do try something, the first threat still applies." I nodded. He turned, as did the others, and the first one took my thin arm in his hand, pulling me along. I would have gone anyway, I was finally going to end the chapter of questions in my life.


	3. Chapter 3

We walked up to a large, nice house with a red sports car in the driveway. Obviously these Cullens were well off. For a moment, I wondered if they were like Sergei, but the thought was fleeting. The one holding my arm pulled me up the stairs to the door, where a young man, my age guess was 18-ish, who looked me over. I wondered what his name was. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen. I suppose you should come in. Yes, Jacob, I suppose you can come too, as her escort."

We entered the house, and I looked around at all the things. In the few years I had been in the forest, things had changed a little, but not too much. We came into a well furnished living room, with a grand piano off to one side. A group of people sat on couches. In my nervousness, I didn't notice that I couldn't smell their blood. The guy holding me, apparently named Jacob, sat me down in a soft armchair. It was rather uncomfortable, too soft, but I was hardly about to insult their furniture. "They" consisted of four young men, four young women and a young girl. All of the adults were pale, and they all had yellow eyes. And all those yellow orbs were directed right at me. I directed mine at my feet, which were clad in dirty sneakers that hardly belonged in this clean house with it's sophisticated people, just like the rest of me. _I wish I could freshen up first, or something. I must reek!_ I thought. I noticed that Edward's mouth twitched. He stood up and said "Alice, could you get our guest some suitable clothes? And Bella love, could you show her to the bathroom?" One, the petite girl with short black hair, jumped up with a happy squeal, saying "Oh, I know exactly what to put on you!" as she ran off. The other stood up and walked toward me, saying "Come along, I don't bite. Usually." The bigger of the men chuckled. I followed the gorgeous brunette into another room that obviously was the bathroom.

As I entered, I could smell all the fragrances of the room, lavender, vanilla, lilac, coconut, and other scents I didn't recognize. She gestured towards the shower, which she then turned on. "Give me your dirty clothes. I'm sure you'll love what Alice has to give you. Unless you're like me that is. Then I wish you luck. Take as long as you need." As she opened the door to leave, my keen hearing picked up the sounds of conversation. The Jacob guy was explaining how he found me, and how I was creepily stalking the pack. _Whatever._ I though as the hot water rinsed the past from my skin. Somehow, I felt like I was in a safe place. They were strangers, but isn't everybody? I stopped thinking as the steam enveloped my body in a heavenly fog.

Hair washed and brushed for the first time in ages, it cascaded across my shoulders. Dresses in a fluffy pink robe, I walked to where Alice was supposed to be. Entering the room, all I saw was a rainbow of fabrics. Pinks like the sunsets, blues like the sky, greens like the summer leaves. They were all lovely. Alice looked up from her rummaging.

"Oh! Done already? I'm not. What color do you want? I think you're more of a green." She held up an emerald halter top. "Or maybe a purple?" She held up a purple sweater. "Oh, I'm not sure. What color was that ratty old shirt?" I told her I couldn't remember, which was true. Her smile faltered for a moment, then was back stronger than ever. "Okay, we can skip the color. Are you adverse to a dress?" I shook my head. "Good, I think you have the figure for one. You're so thin, you can fit into any of our things, though you might be small for Rosalie's. My clothes are better anyway" She disappeared into the walk-in closet. As I looked around at the clothes spread around the room, I tried to help by looking for something, _anything_, that caught my eye. Alice returned holding a simple green sundress. I loved it. It was the color of clover in a meadow, and the color of baby leaves. I nodded vigorously. Alice beamed.

Newly dressed, although still barefoot, I returned to the living room about an hour and a half after I left it. Although I knew I looked okay, the blond man frowned at my face. I glanced a at mirror on the wall, and saw little difference. However, I did notice that my eyes were nearly black, and had dark circles beneath them.

"Dear, have you fed recently?" he asked, looking concerned. Although he seemed benign, I wanted to give the right answer, but didn't know what that was. Unable to decide, I told the truth. "No." I had not eaten since the bear attack, I did not let myself. I knew I was weak now, but I was not yet near death. I had become accustomed to the constant burning in my throat, to the point where I hardly paid attention to it. The blond man frowned, and I wished I had said something else. I sat down, looking at the group of people gathered around me. I did not know what to say, speaking on a regular basis was a new thing for me anyway.

As I nervously looked around, the maternal-looking woman said "Well, I suppose we should start with the basics. Where are you from?"

"Russia." I answered.

"Why don't you have an accent?"

"Am I supposed to?" I wasn't aware of this. "I know I came from Russia, but I remember talking differently from them. I did have an accent there."

"At any rate," she said, clapping her dainty hands, "We had might as well introduce each other. I'm Esme, and this is my husband Carlise." she said, gesturing to the blond man.

"I'm Alice, as you know" said Alice, "and this in my sweetie Jasper." She put an arm around the thin blond man sitting next to her, who smiled.

Edward smiled at me, saying "I'm Edward, this is my wife Bella and our daughter Renesme is in the other room, but you saw her when you came in." Bella nodded.

"And last but still more awesome than all of you, we have me, and my babe Rosalie." The very muscular man stood up, and with him the shapely blonde. "Oh, I'm Emmett by the way." The couple resumed their position. Jacob seemed to have no desire to introduce himself, and continued to eye me suspiciously. Throughout the entire process, I became more and more nervous. _I don't have a name! What will I tell them? _I had no memory of my name. With nobody to talk to, I had little use for one anyway. I anxiously shouted in my head, frantically trying to come up with one. I noticed that Edward cocked an eyebrow for no apparent reason, as if he could hear my mental worrying.

"So, Dear, I guess we're back to you now." Esme, and everybody else for that matter, looked at me expectantly. I, suave as ever, continued to panic.

"I - I - I. . ." I stammered. Everybody stared curiously. I could have simply made up a name, but I was hardly in the creative mood. Besides, if anybody actually called me by it, I would have forgotten anyway.

Edward spoke up. "She doesn't know. She can't remember."

I stared at him shocked, as everybody stared at me, equally shock confused. I recovered first. "He's right, I don't know how, but he's right. However, that's better isn't it? I get to pick my own. Hi, my name is. . . Autumn." That relaxed everybody.

"Okay, _Autumn._" Jacob said gruffly. "That still doesn't tell us why you're here, does it?"

"No. I will answer that, but not now." I had regained my confidence, and was ready to take charge of this crazy situation. "I want to know what I am, and what it means."

Did I say they looked shocked before? Now they were actually shocked. Bella spoke up first. "What do _you _think you are?"

"Not human. A killer. Wrong. Other than that I don't know. I don't know why I do things, I don't know why I kill, why I don't sleep, don't age, don't eat, why I want to drink blood, why I freakin' sparkle in the sunlight." The last bit made their grim faces smile a bit, but not much. I sat back down, apparently having stood up in my little quest for answers. I was finally _so close _to knowing why, and I was not about to lose my chance. Edward looked particularly troubled by my speech, but it was Carlisle who moved toward me, and paternally put an arm around my shoulders.

"Autumn, nobody has _ever_ told you?"

"No. What the hell am I?" I wanted to just find out now, once and for all.

Edward got up. "You're a vampire. You're technically dead. You live until somebody kills you right. You have extraordinary senses. You have fangs. You hunt, and drink the blood of your prey." He suddenly looked at me hard, and said "Look at me, now" Surprised but compliant, I did, and amber met black. He sighed, I supposed in relief. "You haven't eaten in quite a bit." Squinting, he added, "but you haven't preyed on humans in even longer." He paused. "But you have before, haven't you?" It was not a question, he said it like it was a statement, a fact. And it was. I bowed my head in shame, and Carlisle squeezed my shoulders again. "Regardless of the truth Edward speaks, that isn't all. I think that, most importantly, you're not the only one." I looked up. "Most importantly, you are one of _us._"


	4. Chapter 4

We walked up to a large, nice house with a red sports car in the driveway. Obviously these Cullens were well off. For a moment, I wondered if they were like Sergei, but the thought was fleeting. The one holding my arm pulled me up the stairs to the door, where a young man, my age guess was 18-ish, who looked me over. I wondered what his name was. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen. I suppose you should come in. Yes, Jacob, I suppose you can come too, as her escort."

We entered the house, and I looked around at all the things. In the few years I had been in the forest, things had changed a little, but not too much. We came into a well furnished living room, with a grand piano off to one side. A group of people sat on couches. In my nervousness, I didn't notice that I couldn't smell their blood. The guy holding me, apparently named Jacob, sat me down in a soft armchair. It was rather uncomfortable, too soft, but I was hardly about to insult their furniture. "They" consisted of four young men, four young women and a young girl. All of the adults were pale, and they all had yellow eyes. And all those yellow orbs were directed right at me. I directed mine at my feet, which were clad in dirty sneakers that hardly belonged in this clean house with it's sophisticated people, just like the rest of me. _I wish I could freshen up first, or something. I must reek!_ I thought. I noticed that Edward's mouth twitched. He stood up and said "Alice, could you get our guest some suitable clothes? And Bella love, could you show her to the bathroom?" One, the petite girl with short black hair, jumped up with a happy squeal, saying "Oh, I know exactly what to put on you!" as she ran off. The other stood up and walked toward me, saying "Come along, I don't bite. Usually." The bigger of the men chuckled. I followed the gorgeous brunette into another room that obviously was the bathroom.

As I entered, I could smell all the fragrances of the room, lavender, vanilla, lilac, coconut, and other scents I didn't recognize. She gestured towards the shower, which she then turned on. "Give me your dirty clothes. I'm sure you'll love what Alice has to give you. Unless you're like me that is. Then I wish you luck. Take as long as you need." As she opened the door to leave, my keen hearing picked up the sounds of conversation. The Jacob guy was explaining how he found me, and how I was creepily stalking the pack. _Whatever._ I though as the hot water rinsed the past from my skin. Somehow, I felt like I was in a safe place. They were strangers, but isn't everybody? I stopped thinking as the steam enveloped my body in a heavenly fog.

Hair washed and brushed for the first time in ages, it cascaded across my shoulders. Dresses in a fluffy pink robe, I walked to where Alice was supposed to be. Entering the room, all I saw was a rainbow of fabrics. Pinks like the sunsets, blues like the sky, greens like the summer leaves. They were all lovely. Alice looked up from her rummaging.

"Oh! Done already? I'm not. What color do you want? I think you're more of a green." She held up an emerald halter top. "Or maybe a purple?" She held up a purple sweater. "Oh, I'm not sure. What color was that ratty old shirt?" I told her I couldn't remember, which was true. Her smile faltered for a moment, then was back stronger than ever. "Okay, we can skip the color. Are you adverse to a dress?" I shook my head. "Good, I think you have the figure for one. You're so thin, you can fit into any of our things, though you might be small for Rosalie's. My clothes are better anyway" She disappeared into the walk-in closet. As I looked around at the clothes spread around the room, I tried to help by looking for something, _anything_, that caught my eye. Alice returned holding a simple green sundress. I loved it. It was the color of clover in a meadow, and the color of baby leaves. I nodded vigorously. Alice beamed.

Newly dressed, although still barefoot, I returned to the living room about an hour and a half after I left it. Although I knew I looked okay, the blond man frowned at my face. I glanced a at mirror on the wall, and saw little difference. However, I did notice that my eyes were nearly black, and had dark circles beneath them.

"Dear, have you fed recently?" he asked, looking concerned. Although he seemed benign, I wanted to give the right answer, but didn't know what that was. Unable to decide, I told the truth. "No." I had not eaten since the bear attack, I did not let myself. I knew I was weak now, but I was not yet near death. I had become accustomed to the constant burning in my throat, to the point where I hardly paid attention to it. The blond man frowned, and I wished I had said something else. I sat down, looking at the group of people gathered around me. I did not know what to say, speaking on a regular basis was a new thing for me anyway.

As I nervously looked around, the maternal-looking woman said "Well, I suppose we should start with the basics. Where are you from?"

"Russia." I answered.

"Why don't you have an accent?"

"Am I supposed to?" I wasn't aware of this. "I know I came from Russia, but I remember talking differently from them. I did have an accent there."

"At any rate," she said, clapping her dainty hands, "We had might as well introduce each other. I'm Esme, and this is my husband Carlise." she said, gesturing to the blond man.

"I'm Alice, as you know" said Alice, "and this in my sweetie Jasper." She put an arm around the thin blond man sitting next to her, who smiled.

Edward smiled at me, saying "I'm Edward, this is my wife Bella and our daughter Renesme is in the other room, but you saw her when you came in." Bella nodded.

"And last but still more awesome than all of you, we have me, and my babe Rosalie." The very muscular man stood up, and with him the shapely blonde. "Oh, I'm Emmett by the way." The couple resumed their position. Jacob seemed to have no desire to introduce himself, and continued to eye me suspiciously. Throughout the entire process, I became more and more nervous. _I don't have a name! What will I tell them? _I had no memory of my name. With nobody to talk to, I had little use for one anyway. I anxiously shouted in my head, frantically trying to come up with one. I noticed that Edward cocked an eyebrow for no apparent reason, as if he could hear my mental worrying.

"So, Dear, I guess we're back to you now." Esme, and everybody else for that matter, looked at me expectantly. I, suave as ever, continued to panic.

"I - I - I. . ." I stammered. Everybody stared curiously. I could have simply made up a name, but I was hardly in the creative mood. Besides, if anybody actually called me by it, I would have forgotten anyway.

Edward spoke up. "She doesn't know. She can't remember."

I stared at him shocked, as everybody stared at me, equally shocked. I recovered first. "He's right, I don't know how, but he's right. However, that's better isn't it? I get to pick my own. Hi, my name is. . . Autumn." That relaxed everybody.

"Okay, _Autumn._" Jacob said gruffly. "That still doesn't tell us why you're here, does it?"

"No. I will answer that, but not now." I had regained my confidence, and was ready to take charge of this crazy situation. "I want to know what I am, and what it means."

Did I say they looked shocked before. Now they were actually shocked. Bella spoke up first. "What do _you _think you are?"

"Not human. A killer. Wrong. Other than that I don't know. I don't know why I do things, I don't know why I kill, why I don't sleep, don't age, don't eat, why I want to drink blood, why I freakin' sparkle in the sunlight." The last bit made their grim faces smile a bit, but not much. I sat back down, apparently having stood up in my little quest for answers. I was finally _so close _to knowing why, and I was not about to lose my chance. Edward looked particularly troubled by my speech, but it was Carlisle who moved toward me, and paternally put an arm around my shoulders.

"Autumn, nobody has _ever_ told you?"

"No. What the hell am I?" At this, a tear went down my ivory cheek.

Edward got up. "You're a vampire. You're technically dead. You live until somebody kills you right. You have extraordinary senses. You hunt, and drink the blood of your prey." He suddenly looked at me hard, and said "Look at me, now" Surprised but compliant, I did, and amber met black. He sighed, I suppose in relief. "You haven't eaten in quite a bit." Squinting, he added, "although you haven't preyed on humans in much longer." He paused. "But you have before, haven't you?" It was not a question, he said it like it was a statement, a fact. And it was. I bowed my head in shame, and Carlisle squeezed my shoulders again. "Regardless of the truth Edward speaks, that isn't all. I think that, most importantly, you're not the only one." I looked up. "Most importantly, you are one of _us._"


	5. Chapter 5

We walked up to a large, nice house with a red sports car in the driveway. Obviously these Cullens were well off. For a moment, I wondered if they were like Sergei, but the thought was fleeting. The one holding my arm pulled me up the stairs to the door, where a young man, my age guess was 18-ish, who looked me over. I wondered what his name was. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen. I suppose you should come in. Yes, Jacob, I suppose you can come too, as her escort."

We entered the house, and I looked around at all the things. In the few years I had been in the forest, things had changed a little, but not too much. We came into a well furnished living room, with a grand piano off to one side. A group of people sat on couches. In my nervousness, I didn't notice that I couldn't smell their blood. The guy holding me, apparently named Jacob, sat me down in a soft armchair. It was rather uncomfortable, too soft, but I was hardly about to insult their furniture. "They" consisted of four young men, four young women and a young girl. All of the adults were pale, and they all had yellow eyes. And all those yellow orbs were directed right at me. I directed mine at my feet, which were clad in dirty sneakers that hardly belonged in this clean house with it's sophisticated people, just like the rest of me. _I wish I could freshen up first, or something. I must reek!_ I thought. I noticed that Edward's mouth twitched. He stood up and said "Alice, could you get our guest some suitable clothes? And Bella love, could you show her to the bathroom?" One, the petite girl with short black hair, jumped up with a happy squeal, saying "Oh, I know exactly what to put on you!" as she ran off. The other stood up and walked toward me, saying "Come along, I don't bite. Usually." The bigger of the men chuckled. I followed the gorgeous brunette into another room that obviously was the bathroom.

As I entered, I could smell all the fragrances of the room, lavender, vanilla, lilac, coconut, and other scents I didn't recognize. She gestured towards the shower, which she then turned on. "Give me your dirty clothes. I'm sure you'll love what Alice has to give you. Unless you're like me that is. Then I wish you luck. Take as long as you need." As she opened the door to leave, my keen hearing picked up the sounds of conversation. The Jacob guy was explaining how he found me, and how I was creepily stalking the pack. _Whatever._ I though as the hot water rinsed the past from my skin. Somehow, I felt like I was in a safe place. They were strangers, but isn't everybody? I stopped thinking as the steam enveloped my body in a heavenly fog.

Hair washed and brushed for the first time in ages, it cascaded across my shoulders. Dresses in a fluffy pink robe, I walked to where Alice was supposed to be. Entering the room, all I saw was a rainbow of fabrics. Pinks like the sunsets, blues like the sky, greens like the summer leaves. They were all lovely. Alice looked up from her rummaging.

"Oh! Done already? I'm not. What color do you want? I think you're more of a green." She held up an emerald halter top. "Or maybe a purple?" She held up a purple sweater. "Oh, I'm not sure. What color was that ratty old shirt?" I told her I couldn't remember, which was true. Her smile faltered for a moment, then was back stronger than ever. "Okay, we can skip the color. Are you adverse to a dress?" I shook my head. "Good, I think you have the figure for one. You're so thin, you can fit into any of our things, though you might be small for Rosalie's. My clothes are better anyway" She disappeared into the walk-in closet. As I looked around at the clothes spread around the room, I tried to help by looking for something, _anything_, that caught my eye. Alice returned holding a simple green sundress. I loved it. It was the color of clover in a meadow, and the color of baby leaves. I nodded vigorously. Alice beamed.

Newly dressed, although still barefoot, I returned to the living room about an hour and a half after I left it. Although I knew I looked okay, the blond man frowned at my face. I glanced a at mirror on the wall, and saw little difference. However, I did notice that my eyes were nearly black, and had dark circles beneath them.

"Dear, have you fed recently?" he asked, looking concerned. Although he seemed benign, I wanted to give the right answer, but didn't know what that was. Unable to decide, I told the truth. "No." I had not eaten since the bear attack, I did not let myself. I knew I was weak now, but I was not yet near death. I had become accustomed to the constant burning in my throat, to the point where I hardly paid attention to it. The blond man frowned, and I wished I had said something else. I sat down, looking at the group of people gathered around me. I did not know what to say, speaking on a regular basis was a new thing for me anyway.

As I nervously looked around, the maternal-looking woman said "Well, I suppose we should start with the basics. Where are you from?"

"Russia." I answered.

"Why don't you have an accent?"

"Am I supposed to?" I wasn't aware of this. "I know I came from Russia, but I remember talking differently from them. I did have an accent there."

"At any rate," she said, clapping her dainty hands, "We had might as well introduce each other. I'm Esme, and this is my husband Carlise." she said, gesturing to the blond man.

"I'm Alice, as you know" said Alice, "and this in my sweetie Jasper." She put an arm around the thin blond man sitting next to her, who smiled.

Edward smiled at me, saying "I'm Edward, this is my wife Bella and our daughter Renesme is in the other room, but you saw her when you came in." Bella nodded.

"And last but still more awesome than all of you, we have me, and my babe Rosalie." The very muscular man stood up, and with him the shapely blonde. "Oh, I'm Emmett by the way." The couple resumed their position. Jacob seemed to have no desire to introduce himself, and continued to eye me suspiciously. Throughout the entire process, I became more and more nervous. _I don't have a name! What will I tell them? _I had no memory of my name. With nobody to talk to, I had little use for one anyway. I anxiously shouted in my head, frantically trying to come up with one. I noticed that Edward cocked an eyebrow for no apparent reason, as if he could hear my mental worrying.

"So, Dear, I guess we're back to you now." Esme, and everybody else for that matter, looked at me expectantly. I, suave as ever, continued to panic.

"I - I - I. . ." I stammered. Everybody stared curiously. I could have simply made up a name, but I was hardly in the creative mood. Besides, if anybody actually called me by it, I would have forgotten anyway.

Edward spoke up. "She doesn't know. She can't remember."

I stared at him shocked, as everybody stared at me, equally shocked. I recovered first. "He's right, I don't know how, but he's right. However, that's better isn't it? I get to pick my own. Hi, my name is. . . Autumn." That relaxed everybody.

"Okay, _Autumn._" Jacob said gruffly. "That still doesn't tell us why you're here, does it?"

"No. I will answer that, but not now." I had regained my confidence, and was ready to take charge of this crazy situation. "I want to know what I am, and what it means."

Did I say they looked shocked before. Now they were actually shocked. Bella spoke up first. "What do _you _think you are?"

"Not human. A killer. Wrong. Other than that I don't know. I don't know why I do things, I don't know why I kill, why I don't sleep, don't age, don't eat, why I want to drink blood, why I freakin' sparkle in the sunlight." The last bit made their grim faces smile a bit, but not much. I sat back down, apparently having stood up in my little quest for answers. I was finally _so close _to knowing why, and I was not about to lose my chance. Edward looked particularly troubled by my speech, but it was Carlisle who moved toward me, and paternally put an arm around my shoulders.

"Autumn, nobody has _ever_ told you?"

"No. What the hell am I?" Edward got up. "You're a vampire. You're technically dead. You live until somebody kills you right. You have extraordinary senses. You hunt, and drink the blood of your prey." He suddenly looked at me hard, and said "Look at me, now" Surprised but compliant, I did, and amber met black. He sighed, I suppose in relief. "You haven't eaten in quite a bit." Squinting, he added, "although you haven't preyed on humans in much longer." He paused. "But you have before, haven't you?" It was not a question, he said it like it was a statement, a fact. And it was. I bowed my head in shame, and Carlisle squeezed my shoulders again. "Regardless of the truth Edward speaks, that isn't all. I think that, most importantly, you're not the only one." I looked up. "Most importantly, you are one of _us._"


	6. Chapter 6

Frankly, I wanted to cry tears of joy, although I couldn't, or laugh like a maniac, or something. But I didn't, I just felt relieved. But then, I felt greedy. I wanted more, to know everything there was to know. And I said so. Carlisle laughed, and told me I had all the time in the world. I was to have the guest bedroom, and was free to stay as long as I saw fit. With the emotional roller coaster I had been experiencing, I threw all caution to the wind and just hugged the man, er, vampire. Everybody laughed. Jacob left, and I was shown to my room by Edward and Alice. We walked in silence. Entering the room, I was amazed by the luxury. I had seen better, but this was warm and happy and free. Sunlight came through the window and lit up the room. The walls were a deep blue, and the floor was a rich chestnut wood. There was a dresser, a vanity, a full-sized bed, and a walk-in closet. On one of the walls was a painting of a forest scene. It was perfect. _I would take this over the cell any day_! I thought. Cheerfully, I actually began to mentally compare the two, feeling happier and happier. In fact, I was so happy that I almost missed Edward's expression of growing horror.

"What?" He cried staring at me incredulously.

I froze, not sure what I had done wrong. I straightened up and waited for an explanation.

"Listen," he said, "some vampires have powers. Alice can sometimes see the future, Jasper can affect people's emotions. I can hear thoughts, and I want to know about yours. Now."

I probably should have been angry, or felt violated, but all the anger had drained out of me a long time ago. Instead, I asked what he was referring to, although I knew very well what.

"Well, for one, what was that room? Where were you? And, I've been wondering this all afternoon, who made you?"

This entire time, Alice had been looking rather confused, but now she came forward, standing between myself and Edward.

"Edward! You can't just read other people's minds and interrogate them about their thoughts! Whatever she was thinking about, you heard it completely out of context. Autumn is one of us now, and she should be treated that way."

But, that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want them to quarrel, and I thought that Edward's questions were legitimate, although he had entered my mind to get them. I was about to answer when a smell caught my nose and pulled me towards the open window. Looking into the yard outside, I saw a buck deer walk daintily nearer. I wanted, no, _needed_ his blood. Now that my mind had cleared, my instincts wanted to rule again. Edward and Alice followed me to the window, which I nearly jumped out of, as I stared hungrily.

"Oh, you said you hadn't eaten in a long time right? Go ahead." she chirped.

That was all I needed. Landing lightly on the ground below the window, I carefully approached the deer from behind. Noiselessly creeping closer and closer, he was nearly in my grasp. I leapt, and pinned him down. He thrashed, but his efforts were in vain. I leaned in for the kill, and saw faces, the faces of every human I had killed, which unfortunately were many. I saw blood, and watched over and over as I drained the sentience from their eyes. I willed myself to stop, but I could not change the past. I was aware of the dear leaping frantically away. I was aware of Alice running towards me, with Edward trailing behind her, hands to his forehead. I knew Alice was shaking me, shouting something, but I neither felt her touch, nor heard anything but my victims' screams. Behind the somewhat transparent faces, Edward was on his knees, clutching his head, also yelling. Bella had come out of the house, as well as Carlisle and Jasper. Bella went to Edward, but Carlisle and Jasper raced towards me. Overcome by grief, horror and self-repulsion, I was sitting pathetically on the ground, my hands on my forehead. Amazingly, I gradually began to calm down. I felt a feeling of tranquility almost being imposed upon me. I stopped rocking, and the faces faded, as well as the screams. I returned to the world. Jasper had had his eyes closed, but he opened them to join the others as, once again, they stared at me. Not used to being the center of attention, I rose to my feet, slightly less steadily than usual. My throat burned painfully.

I sat alone in my room, staring at the forest scene, for a few moments wondering how a vampire would go about committing suicide. I could hear them talking outside the closed door. Edward, as he could read thoughts, had seen everything that I had seen in my episode, and was explaining it to the others. Rosalie wanted them to demand that I explain myself, but Carlisle thought that they should wait until I was settled. Jasper argued that they had to know about my past before they could help at all. Bella thought that I should leave, because I could hurt Renesme. It was true. I could. I wanted to tell them about what had happened to me. I really thought I had either come to terms with my past or repressed it. Guess not. The door opened into my dark room, letting in soft light, much like another door had into another room, long ago. The Cullen family entered, and gathered around the bed I was sitting cross-legged upon. I stood up, to see what they had decided, and then to share what I had decided.

"Autumn, we know you could hear everything. Apparently you have keen senses even for a vampire. So, what do _you_ want?"

Well. No one had ever asked me that. Good thing I had already thought it through.

"Can we go to the living room?" I asked. "This is kind of a long story."


	7. Chapter 7

Before I could tell my story, I asked for some blood. The burning hunger was still overpowering. So much so that I could smell Renesme in the other room as she played. Carlisle, who was a doctor, wow, actually had blood on hand, left over from Bella's pregnancy. A question about that began, but gave up when I saw the crimson ambrosia. I almost leapt at it. Jasper kept a hand on my shoulder, Carlisle brought the blood outside, as I could spill, and we simply couldn't have stains on the oriental. I drank, and drank and drank. Nothing went wrong. My subconscious mind was against the killing, not the blood itself. Finally, I was full, and returned to the house. They were gathered in the living room, the television on. When I entered, attention was directed to me. Sitting on a small, comfortably hard chair, I decided to begin. As I closed my eyes, time ran backwards.

"In Russia, I lived in the grand house of Sergei Popov. I think he made me into a vampire, but I cannot tell you how, because I know he's human. My earliest memories are of. . . of pain. Then I can't recall much. I remember always being hungry. All I wanted was to kill."

"Bloodlust." Jasper murmured.

"He kept me in a room with no windows and a door that was always locked. My room was pretty, Sergei gave me such pretty things. I did not leave my room, unless I was passed a slip of paper. I do not know Russian, it was written in English. It gave me an address, a time, a name and a description. In that particular time, at that particular place, I assassinated, no, murdered that particular person. All of my kills are mixed together, I. . . can't remember any one in particular." That wasn't true. "I remember a lot of images. I remember looking into a golden mirror, and seeing my black and scarlet eyes staring back hungrily. I remember hearing Sergei croon when I returned from a mission, full and, it sickens me to say so, and _content_. I was unconcerned with the details at the time, but I know very rich men made Sergei a richer man so that his pet would kill for them. I was never caught, I left no evidence, besides a dead, empty body. I remember the dulling eyes of my victims as I drained them of their lifeblood. I remember the screams I suppressed. I remember the children I killed, because I saw them after I killed their parents."

I began to shake, but Jasper imposed calm upon me again, and I continued, wanting to get through this next part as quickly as possible. I had not thought about it in years, and had hoped I wouldn't have to.

"After awhile, me being an assassin was not enough for Sergei. He wanted more, and at first, so did I. They made an arena. They kidnapped people, poor people, the forgotten that nobody would look for and put them there, to scream and beg to be let free. I bet they thought that they were supposed to fight each other, and were given weapons. But it was worse than they could have imagined." I began to sob uncontrollably and without tears, rocking back and forth, hugging myself, lost in my memories. I felt Jasper try to make me calm, but my mind angrily lashed out at it, rejected it, preferring the misery I deserved. I heard him gasp quietly. Nevertheless, I hardly cared. I was reliving those days, but seeing them in a new light, and it scared me, repulsed me. What frightened me the most was that I knew, felt, that a tiny piece of me wanted to go back and relieve those days when the blood was plentiful. At the same time though, by recalling memories I had forgotten, I felt cleaner, somehow. I calmed.

"That lasted for some time. Finally, I guess you could say that I began to wake up. The next time I looked into the mirror, I broke it. I started to dread going to the arena, and I asked Sergei if I could go back to being an assassin. He mocked me. However, he did make the arena times less frequent, but only so that I would be starving when they released me into the pit. I think what disturbs me almost as much as my actions are the people who paid handsomely to watch me do it, and cheered me on. It was a sport to them, I was a sport. In fact, many people tried to buy me from Sergei, but he turned them down, promising that he would soon have something better. Later on, he approached me in my room, and told me to sit down. When I was fed, I was like a kitten. I would like to say that I would have killed him if I had realized the extent of my strength, but that isn't true. For the most part, I had enjoyed my partnership, I benefited from it, didn't want the endless blood to run dry. But also, I didn't know any other world, and I was not prepared to get rid of what I had. That changed. He told me to sit down, he had a syringe. He said he was going to harvest my venom, and sell it to the 'good people.' He said that no more people would die, and that I could finally have worthy foes in the battlefield. He took my saliva, only a small amount, and left. I didn't know what he wanted it for, I still don't understand, but I knew it couldn't be good. I left that night. I broke the lock and walked out the door, Sergei was in a drunken stupor, having finished off a bottle of wine given to him from a friend who enjoyed my 'show.' In 24 hours I had changed out of my luxurious, fragile clothes, stole the ones that you threw away today, and hid on a boat heading to Canada.

"I killed there too, but only when I had to. I began to travel, and have been for so long. I joined a small pack of wolves."

Jacob, who was also present at the telling of my life story, gave a low whistle.

"I stayed with them for a long while, but was actually kicked out a few months ago. I was awake while the pack slept, and went for a walk. When I returned, I heard sticks breaking, but thought it was nothing. A very angry bear attacked our pack. I can't remember exactly what I did. I had not fed in a bit, so that probably didn't help, but I sort of blacked out. When I came back, I was drenched in blood, standing over the bear's carcass. I had ripped it's throat out. I also hurt some of the wolves, which was not something I was allowed to do. So I continued south and eventually was kidnapped by the natives and brought here."

My distress having finished when I mentally left Russia, I ended my tale with a grim smile, and opened my eyes to grimmer faces. I felt unnaturally calm, probably because I was not calm. The Cullens around me showed differing reactions. Edward looked simply horrified. Bella looked fearful. Carlisle was thoughtful. The others looked somewhere between scared and dumbstruck. Without Jasper, I may have been hysterical. However, I was resigned to my past. It disturbed me greatly, and apparently more than I had thought, but I had accepted the past and moved on, rarely looking back. Today, I had looked back and still did not like what I saw. I thought I had finally come to terms with my past. I mean, surely there were other vampires who had done far worse. Now I could move on. The worst was over. What I did not know, what that I was completely wrong. The worst was not over at all, in fact, it had simply yet to come.


	8. Chapter 8

Late into the night, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, meditating, becoming completely calm, when Alice opened the door. I opened one eye to look at her as she leaned up against the doorframe.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly.

"Meditating. It helps clear my mind and is something to do."

"Do you remember what it was like to be human?"

That question caught me off-guard, and I sat up straight to consider it. "To tell the truth, I've never thought about it, but no, not really. I guess there's too much stuff in between."

She nodded. "I can't either. I don't suppose that there was much to remember anyway."

We were silent for a moment. I looked at the moonlight coming through the window. "I have issues, don't I? I mean, I'm getting the feeling that I'm not the typical vampire." I said sadly.

Alice smiled a little, and said " I think issues might be an understatement, but yeah. We all have issues though. It kind of comes with being one of us. Do you want to read or something? We have all sorts of books. Or you could watch T.V.. Emmett might even let you use his pinball machine if you ask nicely."

I shook my head. "I don't remember how to read. I haven't in so long, and that was only the, er, assassination directions. I wasn't given books." Alice's face fell. "But I would like to learn. I can meditate later." Alice beamed and skipped away, I followed, ready to put aside my past in the hopes of a new future.

I spent about two or three weeks doing trivial things. Alice taught me to read, and I was already on third-level books. Jacob popped in from time to time, eyed me suspiciously, and then went to play with Renesme. Emmett actually did let me use his pinball machine, which I failed at, miserably. Carlisle was gradually teaching me vampire 101, and Esme would help, when Carlisle worked at the hospital. His self control inspired me. Alice even talked Rosalie into giving me a hair trim. Only Bella avoided me. I didn't think that she trusted me, and I rarely saw Renesme. Edward was less cold, but I sometimes caught him watching me, as if trying to predict my next move. One time, I locked eyes with him, thinking hard _why don't you trust me? I don't want to hurt anybody ever. Especially any of you. I wouldn't._ He simply looked down. I assumed that he hadn't been listening, but later, when he walked past me as I was trying to read, he whispered "But you could."

Late into the month, Carlisle told me I could accompany Alice and Edward on their hunt. I was so excited, but also nervous. I personally didn't need to feed, but that was probably better, I was there to observe, and I could pay attention better. We began walking into the forest, and a few sentimental memories flashed through my mind. Other than that, I was in hunting mode, as I had been when the wolves hunted. I breathed in deep, and smelled the blood of little critters hidden all around. Alice and Edward walked ahead of me. Catching up, I walked a little behind them, trotting in silence. Again though, I fell behind. I almost missed being in the forest. I had known our forest inside out, but this one was similar. I knew I shouldn't, but I began to wander away from Edward and Alice. Alice turned around. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Can't you smell that?" I could, and it was drawing me towards it like a moth to a flame. Breathing deep, I recognized it, and continued on. Alice and Edward caught up. Edward said, "I smell it too. Good job, Autumn. You found lunch."

Pleased with myself, I smiled a little and confidently continued on. After a bit longer, we came to a buck deer. In fact, something told me that this was the same deer that had gotten away from me. Oh, he was mine. I crouched silently in the bushes, Alice and Edward joining me. Turning to them I said, "I've always wanted to try this, but its no fun when I'm alone. Alice, you spook the deer from the front, and Edward and I will get him when he bolts. Okay?" They nodded, and Alice moved away as Edward and I came behind the deer. Alice suddenly jumped in front of the creature, hissing. He did exactly what I thought he would. He turned and ran. After a couple bounding leaps, Edward and I pounced, pinning him to the ground. _May I? _I mentally inquired. Edward nodded, and I plunged my teeth into the deer's throat, sucking the hot blood. Edward and Alice joined me. When I was satisfied, I took a couple steps back, Leaning against a tree, I asked, "Do you always do it this way?" Edward nodded, saying "We're vegetarian vampires, no human blood. There are a few other vampires like us, but most prey on people." I already knew that. Carlisle had taught me that much, but I still had another question. Looking down meekly, I asked "How can you bear being around so many humans. I can't remember too well, but when I was on the boat to Canada, smelling the blood of all those people. . . I almost didn't make it, but I didn't let myself give in. I did it because I had killed enough. Why do you?"

Alice stepped forward. "For the same reason you didn't. There're no grounds for a vampire to kill people, not when there are other alternatives. It's just wrong."

We began walking towards the house. I was thinking about all of the things that I had been taught about vampires. I learned about the social structure, the Volturi, the abilities vampires could have, and the various quirks that came with being immortal. Not sleeping was cool, I had time to learn and perfect my pinball abilities. Emmett was teaching me how to play chess, and I hoped to beat him one day. _Yep. _I thought. _life is good._

When our hunting party returned home, Carlisle approached me with a proposition.

"Since you've just fed, I think it's time for you to take a walk around town, escorted by Alice and Jasper, of course. That way, you can get used to dealing with humans on a regular basis."

The smile I had been wearing dropped off my face. I hardly trusted myself not to, well, go on a complete killing spree. I glanced at Edward, who shrugged. Jasper, who sensed my discomfort, said quietly, "Alice could see if anything was going to go wrong, it's going to be okay. Relax."

That raised my confidence, so I put on the pea coat I was borrowing from Alice over my sky-blue dress, and donned a pair of dark sunglasses. Following the couple outside to the car, I prepared myself for the sights and smells I expected, going off of memory. Alice came next to me, happily stating, "We are going to shop until you or Jasper drops!" Jasper rolled his eyes, looking at his wife fondly, as he started the car, and we drove off towards the city.


End file.
